Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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