They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
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It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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