i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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