I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I still have a little drunk in my system
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
