It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
