A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
