Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
