Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
