So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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