ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
