You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
