i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
