Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
