how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
