i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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