I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
