tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
