My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize