this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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