i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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