My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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