And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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