Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
