i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
