My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
