Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
