Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
