i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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