I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize