Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
