im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
