We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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