Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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