i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
