I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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