I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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