I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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