I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
