We're like a lot better than the average bears
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
