I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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