i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize