I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
