Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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