I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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