It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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