We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
