FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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