No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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