they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
