he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
