So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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