You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
