I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
