NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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