she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
