Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
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his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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