I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
