He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
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I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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