Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
