She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
