Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
