Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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